No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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