I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
