If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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