I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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