I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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