If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
