Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is Oprah even human
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
