Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
