i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
