it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't turn off my feet"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
