I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
