somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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