There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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