theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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