Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
