A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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