I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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