6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
