I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
