did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
