At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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