I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
