We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
