Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
