Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
