It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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