is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
