he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
