Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
