Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
