Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
