Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
