He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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