So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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