It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
