Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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