it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
