just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
