I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
