Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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