why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
