who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
