I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
