I will die if light touches me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
