Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
