"it" just moved
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
