My nipple is on Facebook.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
