haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
