How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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