he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
