I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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