she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we're so committed to being not committed
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
